What is and how to forgive

Forgiveness - What It Is and What It’s Not

Feb 17, 2021

Over the years I’ve had many clients, friends, and family tell me how much they struggle with forgiving and moving on.


They’re stuck on forgiveness and what it means and whether they’d be letting people off the hook for treating them so badly.


I used to struggle with the concept of forgiveness too.



How can I ever forgive them when they hurt me so bad? They’re the evil person. Their actions caused me so much pain for so long. I’ll never forget what they did to me.



Sound familiar?


It’s such a self-righteous concept, holding a grudge and staying angry. Gasp, as if you deserved any less than smoke, mirrors, and ass kissing. So ego driven. So much wasted time and energy. So much bs. Aren’t you tired of holding onto it?


By not forgiving, you may think you’re holding someone accountable for their behaviours and actions, standing up for what is right and true and, maybe, godly. But you’re doing none of those things. In fact, you’re only hurting yourself and staying stuck in the past. When you stay stuck in the past, you can’t possibly enjoy the now or create a better future.


When you allow pain inflicted on you by someone else or society to weigh you down, you lower your vibrational frequency, drain your energy, and cloud your perceptions and judgements. It changes how you live your life, whether you’re conscious of it or not. You start distrusting everyone and isolating yourself from your community, building a wall so high nobody can climb over it to get to your heart.


When you get defensive, reactionary, and angry at someone else for making you feel a certain way, you are being triggered emotionally, physically, and mentally. It’s like what they’re saying and what they’re doing are confirming all these terrible things you believe about yourself. By not forgiving and letting go, you are training your subconscious mind to believe you are unworthy of better and so all you attract into your life is more pain and suffering.


Forgiveness is about loving yourself enough to let go and walk away. To acknowledge that you have no control of what others do and say, and to accept the fact you can’t please everyone and nor should you.


Forgiveness is about allowing yourself to be true to yourself and stop resisting change (in your life, your work, your relationships, etc.) By forgiving you allow things to come and go, of their own free will. Does that make sense? I hope I’m sparking something in your heart. The spark of freedom, peace, and joy perhaps.


When someone shows you who they are with their actions, believe them. Don’t listen to their words, only their behaviours. Choose loving yourself over hating someone else. Observe and respond. Don’t engage and react.


Love, hate, forgiveness, judgement, compassion, anger… they’re all just manifestations of energy that reside and fester in your body.


Forgiveness is Love

It’s self-love. It’s self-compassion. It’s about honouring your life and living in flow with your soul.


Your soul doesn’t want to be tied down by yucky tar like karmic tethers. It wants to be free to be what it was meant to be, but when it’s tied to someone else through the invisible cord of anger and resentments and hurt, it’ll always be chained to the someone else, to the past, and to what was instead of what could be.


Free yourself from the chains of your painful past. Forgive someone for hurting you, intentionally or not, today.


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